April 1st 2008, Moscow
The announcement this morning that TVR were to release a new model sent shockwaves through the automotive industry. It transpires that the apparently-dead car makers were in fact closing down production to focus on the development of their new model, The Cyclops. The car, due to be unveiled at the prestigious Murmansk Motor Show in July, features a six litre twin turbo V10 hybrid power plant, capable of running on bio-ethanol. Whilst in town it uses a lithium-ion battery pack charged by a combination of regenerative braking and roof-mounted solar panels. Performance calculations suggest a top speed in excess of 260mph and a nought to sixty time of around two seconds.
A company insider using a not-entirely-plausible Russian accent was heard to remark: "This is the greatest car ever built. Well, when I say built – we mean designed. It was sketched on the back of Nikolai's history homework to the very highest standard. My only regret is that we had to delete the twin laser cannons and the anti-gravity device due to a cost save."
Amidst rumours that the new range would be built in Italy or Croatia, TVR have surprised the world by announcing plans to shift production to Monaco, citing cheaper labour costs than their native Blackpool as the main factor. However all models will now feature the union jack badges originally ordered by the Poowong Automotive Corporation for use on their range of Shanghai-built Austin Allegro derivatives. This is intended to emphasise the company's British heritage, along with dodgy electrical earths and tweed upholstery.
There's no word on price yet, but we expect it to cost around £399,999.99 when it finally goes on sale on April 1st next year.